Premium candy craftsmanship meets savage honesty
Artisanal Asshole Suckers
Each sucker is carefully crafted to deliver maximum impact. Made with premium ingredients and molded into the perfect shape to express exactly what you think about that kiss-ass in your life. Available in "corporate brown," "suck-up strawberry," and "boot-licker chocolate."
- Hand-crafted with premium candy ingredients
- Anatomically accurate design for maximum effect
- Gift-wrapped in professional packaging
- Anonymous delivery available
- 100% edible (unlike the real thing)
- Perfect conversation starter
Choose Your Level of Honesty
The Subtle Hint
For when you want to be diplomatic
- 3 assorted Asshole Suckers
- Discreet packaging
- Anonymous card option
- Standard shipping
The Truth Bomb
Most Popular - Gets the point across
- 6 assorted Asshole Suckers
- Premium gift box
- Custom message card
- Express shipping
- Satisfaction guarantee
The Nuclear Option
For when subtlety is dead
- 12 assorted Asshole Suckers
- Deluxe presentation bouquet
- Personalized roast card
- Overnight shipping
- Photo confirmation of delivery
- Bonus "Kiss My Ass" sticker
What Our Customers Are Saying
"Sent these to my boss who keeps asking everyone to 'circle back' on everything. The look on his face was priceless. HR wasn't as amused, but totally worth it."
"My brother-in-law finally got the message about his constant sucking up to my sister. Family dinners have been much more peaceful since."
"Perfect gag gift for my office Secret Santa. Everyone knew exactly who it was for. Quality candy too - surprisingly delicious!"